Let me tell you something I did not fully understand going into my son's engagement. I assumed the rehearsal dinner was mine. Not in a demanding way, not in a controlling way, just in the way that water flows downhill. In the South, that is how it has always been done -- the groom's mother handles the rehearsal dinner, everybody knows that -- and it was the one thing I could point to and say, that is my job, that is my contribution, that is where I get to show up and do something that matters.
And then the location changed.
But here is what I wish someone had told me before any of that happened.
The rehearsal dinner is not automatically yours to control.
I had never been told that. I just assumed it the way you assume things that have always been true in your world. That is not a rule, it is a tradition, and traditions bend.
Your job is not to plan this wedding. Your job is to support your son.
Those are two very different things, and the sooner you make peace with that distinction, the better this whole season is going to go for you.
If you are contributing money, have the conversation before you write the check.
A lot of mothers of the groom assume that because they are contributing financially, they have earned a seat at the planning table. But if that money is a gift, it needs to be given as a gift, with no expectations and no strings attached.
Let go of the idea that you are on equal footing with the bride's mother.
That does not mean you are less important. It means you have a different job. Do that job well and stop measuring yourself against what she gets to do.
The relationship is worth more than getting your way.
Every time you choose the relationship over your preference, you are making a deposit into something that is going to matter for the rest of your life.
That is the mother of the groom experience, honestly.
You plan, something shifts, you adapt, it comes out fine, and you move on to the next thing.
Your son is watching. Your future daughter-in-law is watching. And what they are going to remember is not whether you got your way. They are going to remember how you made them feel during one of the biggest seasons of their lives.
Make it count.
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